Relationships seem to be going through their biggest crisis during summer when we relax, when we have more free time, when all that suitably hold our attention, temporarily move out of the picture.
Most intimate relationships are conventional. They are transactions based on profit, compromise and power. A harmonious intimate relationship, truly rare, not only in our time but also in the past, consists of other qualities.
Self-knowledge
Both partners must have gained, each for themselves, the basics of self-knowledge that is a necessary foundation for a harmonious relationship. You must have learned how to live by yourself and to have a healthy relationship with your self. The relationship that we have with others is a reflection of the relationship that we have with our self.
Devotion
Devotion does not mean attachment or dependence. It is the willful focus of attention on the other and on the relationship. It is your own free choice to want to be there, to place yourself and the other (equally) at the center of your world. It is firstly a mental and psychic devotion that is reflected, in turn, on the outer, physical level, where it is expressed as “attraction”, when we are in love.CompassionCompassion is not pity. It is a higher emotion that includes understanding, trust and offering. It is a transcendence of the Ego whereas pity is identification with the Ego.
Compassion is the honest intention to find out what the other is thinking, to feel what they feel, to understand their needs, to dare to become aware of their perception, not identify with it or adopt it.
You trust them to discover their own answers as you trust yourself to do the same. You offer your help where needed without taking responsibility for their actions. You let go of the need for control; that things happen the way you want them to, at the time you want. You remain true to the virtues and principles that are common between you.
CourageThe willingness to abandon what you are in order to become what you can be requires courage. The Ego feels threatened in the unknown. It does not let go of the past and the future because they safeguard its very existence. Love and the real Self exist only in the present.
Courage is the ability to choose with distinction. Sometimes you need to say “no”, in order to offer the opportunity of re-examination and re-establishment of self. Change is a continuous process and your choice to remain together a daily one that you need to make consciously.
Conscious communication
Communication is not that we have learned to do: hypothesize, judge, interpret, compare and criticize. It requires that you really listen. You cannot listen while you are preparing your answers, when you already have an opinion or when you have already chosen your actions.
If you have acquired a healthy communion with yourself, you will be capable of listening to the other as you listen to the various parts inside of you. You are willing, peaceful and secure to exist in whichever reality because nothing external can threaten the unity and the wholeness that you experience inside you.
Conscious communication does not concern speech only. It is a whole procedure that involves being sensitive, observing, sympathizing and accepting that which is (and not that which you want of you believe should be). It is a continuous confrontation with the Ego and not the other person. Above all, conscious communication has more to do with questions, which you are willing to make because you do not have the need for ready-made answers.
Devotion requires that you feel safe to be yourself, you can stand naked before the other, you are willing to open up and trust your innermost thoughts and feelings with the other, who accepts and respects your uniqueness. When you are devoted, you observe the other instead of judging them. You offer yourself with distinction and without terms. You would not place either one higher than the other because you are both equal: two whole, equally worthy and bilateral parts that make up the “We”; the Whole.
There are no ordinary moments, given facts or injustice in a spiritual intimate relationship. You would never do to the other that which you would not want him do unto you. Growth is parallel and in the same direction. Devotion involves common values and common principles, not necessarily common interests or same needs.
Most intimate relationships are conventional. They are transactions based on profit, compromise and power. A harmonious intimate relationship, truly rare, not only in our time but also in the past, consists of other qualities.
Self-knowledge
Both partners must have gained, each for themselves, the basics of self-knowledge that is a necessary foundation for a harmonious relationship. You must have learned how to live by yourself and to have a healthy relationship with your self. The relationship that we have with others is a reflection of the relationship that we have with our self.
Devotion
Devotion does not mean attachment or dependence. It is the willful focus of attention on the other and on the relationship. It is your own free choice to want to be there, to place yourself and the other (equally) at the center of your world. It is firstly a mental and psychic devotion that is reflected, in turn, on the outer, physical level, where it is expressed as “attraction”, when we are in love.CompassionCompassion is not pity. It is a higher emotion that includes understanding, trust and offering. It is a transcendence of the Ego whereas pity is identification with the Ego.
Compassion is the honest intention to find out what the other is thinking, to feel what they feel, to understand their needs, to dare to become aware of their perception, not identify with it or adopt it.
You trust them to discover their own answers as you trust yourself to do the same. You offer your help where needed without taking responsibility for their actions. You let go of the need for control; that things happen the way you want them to, at the time you want. You remain true to the virtues and principles that are common between you.
CourageThe willingness to abandon what you are in order to become what you can be requires courage. The Ego feels threatened in the unknown. It does not let go of the past and the future because they safeguard its very existence. Love and the real Self exist only in the present.
Courage is the ability to choose with distinction. Sometimes you need to say “no”, in order to offer the opportunity of re-examination and re-establishment of self. Change is a continuous process and your choice to remain together a daily one that you need to make consciously.
Conscious communication
Communication is not that we have learned to do: hypothesize, judge, interpret, compare and criticize. It requires that you really listen. You cannot listen while you are preparing your answers, when you already have an opinion or when you have already chosen your actions.
If you have acquired a healthy communion with yourself, you will be capable of listening to the other as you listen to the various parts inside of you. You are willing, peaceful and secure to exist in whichever reality because nothing external can threaten the unity and the wholeness that you experience inside you.
Conscious communication does not concern speech only. It is a whole procedure that involves being sensitive, observing, sympathizing and accepting that which is (and not that which you want of you believe should be). It is a continuous confrontation with the Ego and not the other person. Above all, conscious communication has more to do with questions, which you are willing to make because you do not have the need for ready-made answers.
Devotion requires that you feel safe to be yourself, you can stand naked before the other, you are willing to open up and trust your innermost thoughts and feelings with the other, who accepts and respects your uniqueness. When you are devoted, you observe the other instead of judging them. You offer yourself with distinction and without terms. You would not place either one higher than the other because you are both equal: two whole, equally worthy and bilateral parts that make up the “We”; the Whole.
There are no ordinary moments, given facts or injustice in a spiritual intimate relationship. You would never do to the other that which you would not want him do unto you. Growth is parallel and in the same direction. Devotion involves common values and common principles, not necessarily common interests or same needs.
Spiritual relationships require work, equally, by both parties. I use the word “work” with the same meaning that our job or profession has for each of us. If that which you do makes you happy and satisfies you, you do it willingly, with enthusiasm, devotion and faith. Then, it is not “work” but conscious offering out of love.
Passion mobilizes a healthy intimate relationship as it does every authentic creation. This means to love who you are, what you do and to offer yourself with all of your being. It means that you both vibrate with the same frequencies, the same energy of Love, which includes everything. You are In Love: with your Self, your partner and Life.
When this union between two people happens on the psychic level, it is friendship in its most spiritual form. When it happens on the physical level, it concerns the lower instincts and desire, which is temporary. Love on all levels (spiritual – mental/psychological – physical) causes an impalpable explosion of the Creative Force: the power of Love that creates Life, moves mountains and performs miracles. Nothing can break or decrease the intensity of this Life Force.
Intimate relationships are not a “nirvana” state that we rest in. It is the ultimate challenge of the soul to evolve, through co-existence, continuously. Two equally worthy personalities create the “We” that creates Life. Birth (of the new) always involves pain, devotion, courage, faith and passion.
Not an easy choice or process, when the Ego objects to the will of the soul for Union, when love for power is stronger than the power of love.
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