The experience of self-knowledge

Self-knowledge is the “how” that gives meaning to the already existing process of living. No theory or description can replace the action that self-knowledge is. Describing can point to it, but the actual experience is always subjective.

The experience of life through self-knowledge resembles the experience of (natural, without technical intervention) labor. You never know exactly what to expect, you are never certain of the course or outcome.

Every moment, fear dictates that you activate the familiar “flight or fight” process that is deeply rooted in your cells. It convinces you that you have no other choice but to remain trapped in its opposites: you can either get hurt or you can avoid pain. But this is a lie that you choose not to believe anymore.

It is pointless to fight pain. Pain shows you the way, it focuses your attention where it is needed, it guides you to what you need to cange, if you do not fear it, if you make pain an ally. This is not done automatically. It requires work, commitment and will.

Every pain is a sign that you are moving forward. Any resistance in the process of creation leads to greater pain, with according consequences. Resistance is the result of fear, which leads to a vicious cycle of pain and fear. You cannot fight fear with fear. Fear causes more fear which in turn causes more pain.

Destiny is unavoidable but destiny always includes your own free will of its choice. Nothing is coincidental, everything serves Creation. The ascension of this responsibility is the starting point on which you build trust and inner strength; the ingredients you need for this journey of transformation.

In between pain there is a “void”, an emptiness of space and time that gives you the opportunity to rest, meditate, reconstruct and trust once again. The “void” can seem like hours or minutes, depending on whether you fear or use it creatively. The first choice will halt you, the second will help you along.

An inner strength, which you never imagined that you had, fills you and surrounds you, giving you the necessary "equipment" that you need for your journey. It is like an armor of light, love, power and knowledge all into one, that exceeds any possible description. This newfound energy exceeds your own limited will and capacity. And then you know that you are not alone.

You surrender to this energy completely and become One with all: the pain, the body, the surroundings, the new that is struggling to be born. You discard every need of resistance, every attempt to control or flee.

You never know exactly what is about to happen. Independently of how well you have prepared yourself, how well you have planned the whole process or how much you have tried to foresee the outcome, the experience is never quite the same as the mental perception. Life always has a diabolic and simultaneously gracious way of surprising you.

You are the center of your experience. Everyone and all around you play their part in this process. Choose your surroundings with discretion and responsibility. Everything matters. Your choices can make your course difficult or they can help you along.

It is entirely up to you to be all that you can be – all that you never imagined you could be, only to discover now that you Are – every step of the process. Every step counts for it creates the next step. You create your path as you go along. Nothing is predicted.

The result is independent of and at the same time dependant on you.

Your whole life has been a preparation for this moment; the thoughts that you have amused your mind with, the beliefs that you have chosen to serve, the emotions that you have nourished your heart with, the food that you have cared your body with. Everything contributes so that you may pass from a state of being, to a state of becoming.

But the result, the Creation has a life of its own. It has its own will and its own course to follow. It is the sum of all that contributed to, affected and supported its forming. It is also much more than the total of its parts and more than you or anyone else can comprehend or control.

Your obligation is to fully accept, in pure gratitude and humility, the miracle of birth that you contributed in.

Nothing is born without change. Change takes you out of the comfort zone, the easiness of habit and all that is familiar to you. For this reason, pain is unavoidable. Transcendence, transformation always includes some amount of pain. Fear defines the intensity and duration of pain. In absence of resistance to it, pain is sweet, endurable, instructive and liberating.

Your usual, outer perception shifts to an inner perception, as you become aware that all you ever need is already inside you, within your reach. You just didn’t know that.

Every pain and every successful attempt of understanding and accepting it provides you with the power and knowledge which you become aware of, in those moments of “emptiness”, as you willingly anticipate, in trust and meditation. This continuous internal contact and relationship with a higher part of yourself prompts you to continue the climb.

You are no longer focused on the result but on the process itself. You let go of every attempt or need of control. You achieve total submission, a total opening and complete faith in the process, each moment. The mind empties of past and future thoughts. All that exists is the present moment.

That is when you are ready for the final, the most exigent trial of all. It is the darkest hour (as it always is before dawn), the greatest feat. You are never certain when or how it will come. Intuitively you know it is near when fear creeps up on you again and warns you, even more intensely and horrifying than before.

You have the urge to quit, seeking deliverance, negotiate for your life, wanting to flee from it all. It is the time that faith puts on its greatest battle with the worst face of fear. It is the sacred moment of choice that your heart and mind need to make: are you the fear that will keep your soul in bondage or are you love that trusts, embraces and transforms everything? The choice is always made with according action. It is a choice only you can make. You are alone “in the wilderness”.

And then, in what seems like an eternal Present Moment, all illusions of time and space disappear. Your apparent weakness is transformed into an unimaginable, unlimited strength which “moves mountains” and creates life. Darkness converts to a brilliant warm light that floods every cell of your being, simultaneously. In total ecstasy, the utmost pain is transformed into a cataclysmic rush of joy, awe and complete Oneness that you have never before felt, as you experience the miracle of birth.

Words are too limited and poor to describe that which the mind and the senses perceive and exceed at the same time.

Soon after, you realize that the journey continues, with new attempts, new processes of pain, joy and learning. Nothing finishes. Every brith marks the beginning of an end and every ending conceals within it a beginning. Amongst it all, life always continues, changes, transforms and evolves.

You are never the same after each triumph, each breath-taking experience and each transformation. It is not the result that transforms you, but the process that you have chosen to follow through it all.

That is the experience of self-knowledge.
It is the choice of the process (a learned process) that involves You as the central axis and the struggle with your lower instincts. It is an inner journey of love, light and transformation that is experienced in the world and not on the sidewalks of it.

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